The Ultimate Guntz x Klonoa Drinking Game
by Solitary Shadow
Summary: What it says on the title. Full of cliche goodness, which self is mostly guilty for. Are you ready? Take a glass, and proceed... [slash content, but nothing too scary]


**Disclaimer:** Namco owns them. Need I say more?

**Author's Note:** This is the Guntz x Klonoa fanfiction drinking game. In other words, _I'm_ reading a cliche fic so _you_ don't have to. Most of the fics are mine, so... amen to that. I'm aware that the drinking game format has been used many times in other fandoms, and the format itself is cliche. It's a tribute to whoever invented such great games, and time for me to add a new fandom to the list.

When you make fun of your own fics, you need help. Trust me, I know.

* * *

Greetings. You have reached the ultimate Guntz x Klonoa drinking game. Here are the things you need to play this game:

1. A tall glass or mug.

2. Alcoholic beverage of any kind. Or if you're a purist, drink hot chocolate, vodka or water. I'm assured that the first and last items are safer.

3. A printout of a Guntz x Klonoa fic, or a whole list of the fics where you can just browse around. For the major selection, please go to Fanfiction dot net, Games section, and click on Klonoa. You can find a lot in a few tries, because ten percent of the whole fandom's fics are of this couple.

4. A free, imaginative, slash-loving/accepting mind. You shall need it a lot.

5. The ability to stay sober and concentrate.

6. This page for the instruction.

For every factor, some bonuses can be added. Please read the whole line before doing any of the actions. If the factor belongs to the first round, yet the fic fits more in with the bonus, the bonus is what you have to take.

Are you ready? Good luck. Please pour out the beverage into the mug and read on after the dotted line.

* * *

_**Take one sip for those factors:**_

- Klonoa is one of those things: shy, trusting, naive, girly yet amazingly pure. Take two sips if all of those apply.

- Guntz is one of those things: spiteful, full of hate, cold, ridiculously masculine and _aaaaaangsty_. Take two sips if all of those apply.

- Guntz is loveless before Klonoa came on the scene. Take two sips if Guntz takes a while to warm up to the cabbit. Take three sips if Guntz is a virgin.

- Klonoa is under sixteen.

- Guntz is sixteen or above.

- Klonoa blushes about a thousand times when sneaking a look at Guntz. Take two sips if vice versa.

- Klonoa is a lovesick moron.

- Guntz is angsty and cold, yet warms up in five seconds when Klonoa appears.

- Guntz and/or Klonoa happen to be nervous around the other.

- The fic ends with fluff of some kind. Take two sips if it's kissing. Drink a whole glass if it's naughty NC-17 activities or hints of it, and please refill.

- Guntz and/or Klonoa are shy when confronting each other about romantic situations. Take two sips if Guntz is relaxed. Take three sips if the two act like they've done it about over nine thousand times.

- Klonoa cries. Take two sips if Guntz cries. Drink a whole glass if both burst into tears, and please refill.

- At first the two can think of absolutely nothing but hating the other one-dimensionally and jeering at each other.

- They fight.

- Guntz gives Klonoa something sweet to represent their OMG TWU WUV. Take two sips if a ring or jewellry-related object.

- Klonoa keeps a memento of Guntz somewhere and/or vice versa.

- The Moon scene written out in slashy goodness.

- Guntz likes petting Klonoa.

- Guntz and/or Klonoa act like it was TWU WUV right from the moment they set eyes on each other.

- The fic is set in Dream Champ, or Heroes, or Namco x Capcom universe. Take two sips if two of those are referenced. Take three sips if all are referenced.

- Guntz is always angsting about revenge.

- Klonoa finds Guntz angsting at wherever and tries to cheer him up.

- Lolo is one of those things: jealous, loud, Klonoa-obsessed, whiny - because she gets in the way of OMG THEIR TWU WUV. Take two sips if she's the main nusiance/villain.

- Leorina and such others don't exist and/or are ignored. Take two sips if they're around and are gone in twenty seconds. Take three sips if they're playing matchmaker. Take three sips if Jillius is the one doing it. Down five glasses if Lolo is the one doing it, and please refill.

- Jillius-san is constantly referenced.

- Janga and/or Butz doesn't exist, except for being referenced by Guntz for the sake of TEH AAAAAAANGST!11

- Guntz and Klonoa are in love but keep it secret, because they're Heroes and OH NOES the world will hate them forever.

- There is Lolo bashing.

- The two fall in love halfway through the story, without fit reason.

_Thank you. The first round is finished. Please take note of the sips you have taken, and refill your glass. Round two shall begin after the dotted line._

* * *

_**Take two sips for those factors:**_

- Guntz dies and Klonoa angsts. Take three sips if he is irate or sad. Take four sips if he's all like 'Why did you leave me you bastard I hate you' or 'I love you please come back you can't really be dead'. Down a whole glass if he cuts himself over it.

- Guntz and Klonoa fight - only this time they actually fight physically.

- There is a plot outside the two's relationship.

- Ropes and pink ribbons are used to bound Mr. Klonoa to the bed. Take three sips if Guntz is the one who's bound. Drink a whole glass for other fetishes and please refill.

- Guntz is a softie.

- Guntz is a vampire due to Zweegle AND OMG ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE.

- Klonoa rides with Guntz on the Red Clan.

- Guntz cuts himself. Take three sips if Klonoa is the one cutting. Down a whole glass if they're both doing it and please refill. Down two glasses if Guntz loses OMG MASSES OF BLOOD from cutting yet miraculously survives to cut another day, and please refill.

- There is reference to sex.

- Alcohol is mentioned.

- You get the impression you're reading some kind of Soft Highschool Romance for Young Boys. Down a whole glass if it _is_ highschool, and please refill.

- Guntz has to talk about how babies are created and other uncomfortable subjects to Klonoa.

- Guntz is grieviously injured and Klonoa has to care for him.

- Guntz tries to teach Klonoa swimming.

- Oranges are mentioned.

_Thank you. The second round is finished. Please take note of the sips you have taken, and refill your glass. Round three, and the final round, will begin after the dotted line._

* * *

_**Take three sips for those factors:**_

- Guntz and Klonoa are written perfectly in character.

- Guntz is depraved.

- Games older than Dream Champ Tournament are referenced, or involved.

- Some detail is revealed about Butz's death in a flashback.

- Guntz is not present for the whole story, but the whole thing somehow turns into GxK.

- The story is more than 7,000 words long.

- Coffee is present.

- Klonoa is the 'seme'.

- It isn't written by Solitary Shadow.

- Klonoa is just as skilled in weaponary as Guntz.

- Pyramid scene written in slashy goodness.

- Beach Volley is referenced.

_Thank you. The game is over. Please total up the sips you have taken, also counting 20 sips as a whole glass. The scoreboard is below, and please use that to grade the fanfiction._

1 - 20 sips, or one glass and below: Not the best cliche fic around. In fact, it can actually be a very original piece!

21-40 sips, or two whole glasses and below: Not bad. Could be more cliche, one supposes.

41-60 sips, or three whole glasses and below: One of the clichest fics around!

61-70 sips, or three-and-a-half glasses and below : How many 'full glasses' did you take? Either this is extremely cliche, or you've just been lucky/unlucky enough to get the full glasses.

71-80 sips : Definitely unlucky enough to get the full glasses.

80+ sips : Great indeed! Either the fic is written by Solitary Shadow, or you're counting wrong. If it's the latter try counting again. If it is the former, and the fic burnt your eyes out, please feel free to kill the author.

0: Are you... sure you were reading a Guntz x Klonoa fic?

_Thank you for playing the Guntz x Klonoa drinking game. I hope you're not too hungover tomorrow. _

* * *

Not all cliches here are bad. I'm guilty of most of them, as you might know. x.x

The scoreboard is iffy. Don't trust it. And I apologize to the authors who might not be glad by their plot points referenced here.

I had fun making this one. Maybe I should create one for other fandoms. (laughs) Boy, won't that be grand... I hope you enjoyed the drinking game!


End file.
